Respite from Reality. (Parental Warning: Potential depressive thoughts ahead)

I wonder how bad it would be if I came to the reality that my time spent at work is a respite from my time spent away from work. What would that say about me exactly, and would it matter? Perhaps I should be more specific, I don't mind my time away from work that is spent with my friends, or traveling, or at church, or with most of my family. Of late what I do mind is that I have so many little things going on in this life away from work from school pressures, life responsibilities, household rules, health junk, etc. that I honestly think I may have come to the point that work is a nice escape from those things. At work I don't have to keep my opinions to myself out of concern for how the reaction will be if I voice them, I don't have to be concerned about school stuff because there's enough work going around to keep me busy enough not to worry about the paper I need to write or the chapters I haven't read (at least most days), and at work I have enough work and concerns for other people and their lives going on that I don't have the time to spend worrying about my own concerns and life (again, most days). 

Today though, I find myself in a place I haven't been in a long time, and I am willing myself with every fiber in my being to get out of here. It's scary, and lonely, and dark. Don't any one of you reading DARE to respond with encouragement in the form of telling me that God is with me and has everything under control. Do you not know that I KNOW this?! This is what I am clinging to and hanging on to, this is what allows me to be able to write these things and not succumb to the place my emotions want to take me today. If my friend were to ask me today how's the weather in my world, sadly I would have to admit to her that today it's dreary, grey, and foggy and that I can't see far enough to put one foot in front of the other. 

But fear not readers...I have hope tucked away deep in my heart. In my thoughts I'm being pulled back to Ecclesiastes 3:11 "He has made everything beautiful in its time." and there's a number of songs that come to mind as well. Mostly, I'm remembering that Sunday in the message, the pastor asked us if we would be happy this week. I didn't know it then, but that was aimed at what was going to hit me later, and I'm glad I was paying attention. I choose to be happy, even in spite of my emotions and dark thoughts today! I'm going to write the lyrics to a couple of the songs that came to mind during the sermon, as well as one that I thought about last night. Even now, they can make me smile. 

1. Apple Red Happiness- children's song that I think I learned when I was about 6 or 7 from my surrogate mother. Loved her and loved this song.

Apple red happiness
Popcorn cheerfulness
Cinnamon singing inside
Peppermint energy
Gumdrop holidays
When you give Christ your life
The benefits of God's great love are super-satisfying
Throw away your sin, let God's love shine in
Try it and you'll see how you get
Apple red happiness 
Popcorn cheerfulness
Cinnamon singing inside
Peppermint energy
Gumdrop holidays
When you give Christ your life

2. Happiness is the Lord- also learned from the surrogate mother. Funny how we go back to that, huh?

Happiness is to know the Savior, 
Living a life within His favor
Having a change in my behavior, 
Happiness is the Lord

Happiness is a new creation, 
Jesus and me in close relation
Having a part in His salvation, 
Happiness is the Lord

Real joy is mine,
no matter if teardrops start
I've found the secret 
It's Jesus in my heart
Happiness is to be forgiven, 
Living a life that's worth the livin'
Taking a trip that leads to heaven,
Happiness is the Lord

3. Beautiful Things- introduced a little over a year ago during F.U.E.L. worship by a group of college kids. Great lyrics!

All this pain
I wonder if I’ll ever find my way
I wonder if my life could really change at all
All this earth
Could all that is lost ever be found
Could a garden come up from this ground at all

You make beautiful things
You make beautiful things out of the dust
You make beautiful things
You make beautiful things out of us

All around
Hope is springing up from this old ground
Out of chaos life is being found in You

You make beautiful things
You make beautiful things out of the dust
You make beautiful things
You make beautiful things out of us

You make beautiful things
You make beautiful things out of the dust
You make beautiful things
You make beautiful things out of us

You make me new, You are making me new
You make me new, You are making me new
You are making me new

You make beautiful things
You make beautiful things out of the dust
You make beautiful things
You make beautiful things out of us

You make beautiful things
You make beautiful things out of the dust
You make beautiful things
You make beautiful things out of us

You make me new, You are making me new
You make me new, You are making me new

and finally….

4. Don't worry, be happy--Bobby McFerrin (click to hear)

And now before everyone flips out and thinks I've really lost it, I can assure you that I haven't. I'm simply stating openly something that generally would find itself in a private journal, but I felt like today I didn't want it to be private. I am not worried about the things rolling around in my mind at present because I believe that this too shall pass and I will be better for it, by the grace of God.

Evil blogger.....

Dear Blogger:
Of late I have found you to be an evil, conniving, and generally all around meany. I have attempted to post and you've blocked my every assault. Now I may post, but people will not be allowed to leave me comments. Tell me, in your opinion, what is the point if no one can provide feedback?! Actually belay that....just tell me what in the world is wrong with you and when you intend to be repaired!!!!!

With much love,
The ever losing patience elf

For all you moms of daughters out there

APPLICATION TO DATE MY DAUGHTER

*Note: This application will be incomplete and rejected unless accompanied by a certified financial statement, job history, and current medical report from your doctor. Please be prepared to submit additional information, such as a psychological profile and polygraph test, as requested.

________________  _____________  _______          ____________

Last name                  First name            Date of Birth     Social security #

_____________         _____            _____

Drivers License           IQ                  GPA

Home Address:______________________________________________

Do you have one male and one female parent? ____ If not, explain.____________________________________________________________________________________________

Do you own a van?__________     A truck with over-sized tires?________

A water bed?_________   Do you have an earring, nose ring, or belly button ring?________

A tattoo?________

(If you answered YES to any of the last five questions, discontinue application and leave a ONCE!)

In 50 words or less, what does "LATE" mean to you?_________________________________________________________________________________

In 50 words or less, what does "DON'T TOUCH MY DAUGHTER" mean to you?_________________________________________________________________________________

In 50 words or less, what does "ABSTINENCE" mean to you?_________________________________________________________________________________

What is your Church affiliation?__________________________________

How often do you attend?_____________________________________

Best time to interview your parents?______________________________

Your preacher?___________________________________

Your employer?___________________________________

Have you ever been fingerprinted?____________________

Had a DNA sample taken and recorded?____________________

Answer the following questions under oath:

The one thing I hope this application does not ask about me is:_________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

A woman's place is in the:______________________________________________________________

My greatest fear is:___________________________________________________________________

When I meet a girl, the first thing I notice about her is:________________________________________________________________________________

*(Note: If you answer begins with a body part that matures with age, discontinue and LEAVE AT ONCE, keeping your head low and running in a serpentine fashion, for your own safety.)

CERTIFICATION OF ACCURACY BY APPLICANT:

I swear all information above is true and correct to the best of my knowledge, under penalty of death dismemberment, Chinese water torture, and red hot pokers.

__________________________________        ___________

Signature                                                              Date

__________________________________        ___________

Witness                                                                Date

(If you have to ask what this means, you are not ready to date my daughter, so tear up this application and leave immediately!)

Thank you for your interest. Please allow four to six weeks for processing. You will be contacted in writing if you are approved. Please do not try to call or write.

If your application is rejected, you will be notified by two gentlemen wearing white ties, and carrying violin cases. ( You may want to watch your back!)

__________________________________________________________________________________
10 Simple rules for dating my daughter

Rule One:
If you pull into my driveway and honk you'd better be delivering a package, because you're sure not picking anything up.

Rule Two:
You do not touch my daughter in front of me. You may glance at her, so long as you do not peer at anything below her neck. If you cannot keep your eyes of hands off of my daughter's body, I will remove them.

Rule Three:
I am aware that it is considered fashionable for boys of your age to wear their trousers so loosely that they appear to be falling off their hips. Please don't take this as an insult, but you and all of your friends are complete idiots. Still, I want to be fair and open minded about this issue, so I propose this compromise: You may come to the door with your underwear showing and your pants ten sizes too big, and I will not object. However, in order to ensure that your clothes do not, in fact, come off during the course of your date with my daughter, I will take my electric nail gun and fasten your trousers securely in place to your waist.

Rule Four:
I'm sure you've been told that in today's world, sex without utilizing a barrier method of some kind can kill you. Let me elaborate, when it comes to sex, I am the barrier, and I will kill you.

Rule Five:
It is usually understood that in order for us to get to know each other, we should talk about sports, politics, and other issues of the day. Please do not do this. The only information I require from you is an indication of when you expect to have my daughter safely back at my house, and the only word I need from you on this subject is early.

Rule Six:
I have no doubt you are a popular fellow, with many opportunities to date other girls. This is fine with me as long as it is okay with my daughter. Otherwise, once you have gone out with my little girl, you will continue to date no one but her until she is finished with you. If you make her cry, I will make you cry.

Rule Seven:
As you stand in my front hallway, waiting for my daughter to appear, and more than an hour goes by, do not sigh and fidget. If you want to be on time for the movie, you should not be dating. My daughter is putting on her makeup, a process that can take longer than painting the Golden Gate Bridge. Instead of just standing there, why don't you do something useful, like changing the oil in my car?

Rule Eight:
The following places are not appropriate for a date with my daughter:
Places where there are beds, sofas, or anything softer than a wooden stool.
Places where there are no parents, policemen, or nuns within eyesight.
Places where there is darkness. Places where there is dancing, holding hands, or happiness.
Places where the ambient temperature is warm enough to induce my daughter to wear shorts, tank tops, midriff T-shirts, or anything other than overalls, a sweater, and a goose down parka--zipped up to her throat. Movies with a strong romantic or sexual theme are to be avoided; movies which feature chain saws are okay. Hockey games are okay. Old folks homes are better.

Rule Nine:
Do not lie to me. I may appear to be a potbellied, balding, middle-aged, dimwitted has-been. But on issues relating to my daughter, I am the all-knowing merciless, god of your universe. If I ask you where you are going and with whom, you have one chance to tell me the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth. I have a shotgun, a shovel, and five acres behind the house. Do not trifle with me.

Rule Ten:
Be afraid. Be very afraid. It takes very little for me to mistake the sound of your car in the driveway for a chopper coming in over a rice paddy near Hanoi. When my Agent Orange starts acting up, the voices in my head frequently tell me to clean the guns as I wait for you to bring my daughter home. As soon as you pull into the driveway you should exit your car with both hands in plain sight. Speak the perimeter password, announce in a clear voice that you have brought my daughter home safely and early, then return to your car--there is no need for you to come inside. The camouflaged face at the window is mine.

More old things I found that I can credit to Alex...

Chances are he'll not really care about all this being shared, but I have to admit that it's been fun to re-read these things and laugh at them as though they happened yesterday all while remembering the events that surrounded what brought them to existence. Without further adieu:

Since we had the E-Kathe-astes, it's only fitting then that I found Ladonna-astes to go with it.
1. "LaDonna-astes chapter 3
For everything there is a time, and a season for every purpose under heaven;
a time to be born, and a time to die;
a time to plant, and a time to mow for five hours;
a time to sling a blade, and a time to get the tractor;
a time to kill the kids, and a time to heal them;
a time to tear down the camper, and a time to raise it;
a time to load the dishwasher, and a time to unload the dishwasher;
a time to laugh and take the low seat, and a time to suppress laughter and take the high seat;
a time to apply insect repellent, and a time to napalm the !@##$ nest with gasoline;
a time for the scattering of housecats, and a time for the gathering up of housecats;
a time for chaining the dogs, and a time for releasing the dogs again;
a time for the shattering of windows, and a time for the glazing of windows;
a time for baking of morsels, and a time for melting Tupperware into plastic slag;
a time to speak, and a time to speak louder;
a time to flit about, and a time to perch;
and a time for humoring the houseguest, and a time for slapping the houseguest about the head;

For there is never, EVER, a time for the tickling of feet.....

Humorously yours,
Alexander, Scribe of Funnibone"

Musings that have been long in posting take 5

We read from John 17:4 this morning....
I've never thought about how Luke chapter two's account of Jesus missing in the city of Jerusalem was a foreshadowing of His death and resurrection.

Musings that have been long in posting take 4

John 15
For some reason this a.m. it took me back to a kids camp I attended circa 1990 when we sang a tune that went to the melody of "Glory, glory, Hallelujah.":
          "He's a peach of a savior, He's the apple of my eye,
    He prunes back the branches when the branches get too high,
         He bears fruit in season and His love will never die,
                  And that's why I'm bananas for the Lord
                    Glory, glory, we're the branches (3x),
                 And that's why I'm bananas for the Lord.

What in my life needs to be pruned and am I willing to allow God to remove it so I may bear more fruit for the Lord?

Musings that have been long in posting take 3

I sat the other evening and was taking in the night enjoying the sounds of summer. I heard June bugs and katydids along with some cicadas and night birds. While all of these were of some comfort to me, it was the sound of the wind in the trees that was most calming. Listening to the leaves in the trees rustle and hearing the fallen leaves as they scratched through the grass and along the sidewalk. Feeling the breeze on my face and around me, I felt as though God had just strode up beside me. It was a true moment of being still and allowing my mind, body, and spirit to take in everything. I found myself even more in tune to the sounds of the summer nights than I have been in quite awhile. It was a reminder of time spent as a child playing outdoors and visiting with family at gatherings.

Musings that have been long in posting take 2

Why does the passage in scripture that talks about "...when I was a child I spoke like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child, but when I became a man I put childish things behind me..." keep coming to the forefront of my mind? Why can't I shake this feeling of dread that the end result is one I feel will destroy us all? I seek solace from wisdom that can only come from God, but all the while I question how this will ever bring glory to the Father. I am tormented in my spirit and I long to escape- yet, I know this is not an option. I must continue on the path I have begun to tread and pray and trust that God will go before me and make this clay usable. I believe.

Musings that have been long in posting take 1

These have been mulling around awhile in my head or have made it to paper, just not here yet and need to escape. Initially I thought about posting them all as one, but I think I'll separate them. All posts on today's date fall into this selection.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Friend-- I need you to help me; to meet me halfway; I need you to hold me accountable; to make me mad when you say what I need to hear instead of what I want to hear.
Friend-- I need you to care enough to look past your beliefs and your wants and desires the same as I try to do for you.
Friend-- I need you to help make me better as a person and allow me to reciprocate that; I need this to be a two way street where we have the freedom to express our different ideas with no fear of judgement or failure.
Friend-- I need us to have understanding and compassion for one another at all times.
Friend-- I need.

Ekathe-astes Three....

*Disclaimer: This post is brought to you by your friendly neighborhood Comic Ali a.k.a. Alex*

"For everything there is a time and purpose under heaven.

A time to be born, and a time to wish you were not;
A time to plant, and a time for chainsaw yard massacre;
A time to kill moles, and a time for lawns to heal;
A time to gut the house, and a time to build it back;
A time for a nuclear meltdown, and a time to radiate giggles;
A time to lament over rainboots, and a time to dance in a new pair;
A time for shattering dishes, and a time for gathering dishes together;
A time for huggsies, and a time for talking to the hand;
A time for turning upside down, and a time to forget finding;
A time to archive, and a time to delete;
A time for snow in the drive, and a time for driving in the snow;
A time to tear the cow-print pajamas, and a time to mend them;
A very rare, exceedingly short time to be silent, and a time to speak all;
A time for happy face, and a time for frowny face;
A time for Facebook, and a time for face in a book;
A time for blazing hazel eyes, and a time for hypnotic blue eyes.

And the eaglebyrd is happy with her lot in life,
'Cause it's all good, and will be made good.
In time."

Things I hope to someday accomplish:

No, this isn't a bucket list, though it will appear so to some. It's no real shocker that I'm what many call a 'lifelong learner' and I'm not ashamed to admit to such. I love to learn, just not necessarily about Biology or Chemistry or Math. I enjoy learning things that to some observers would be considered useless knowledge, but frankly, I don't care if I never have the opportunity to use the knowledge, just knowing that I have it is enough. With that, here's some of the things I'd like to accomplish:
1. To play the Irish Whistle
2. American Sign Language (I knew some once, I'd love to again)
3. My college degree
4. Rowing (for pleasure)
5. Read a book a week, of my choosing
6. Spend an unending amount of time with my remaining closest friends, this side of Heaven
7. Learn to trust people with more ease
8. Be more gracious to people when I know they don't deserve it
9. Have season tickets to Alabama Football and the ability to go to all the games
10. Learn about Essential Oils and all their benefits
11. Come to peace with my compassionate/empathetic self and have a better understanding of what that means
12. More time on the open road with James and the Mistress
13. Photography for fun
14. A group of 50 ladies from church headed to retreat annually and with that that core group influencing the rest significantly
15. Something of a combined Lydia Prayer Group and Wake Up Deborah prayer group of women who love kids and teens and will commit to praying for their children daily whether they are biological kids or spiritual kids
16. The tact to tell drama llamas what they are and help them try and move past that
17. More time spent influencing my family for good
18. Singing without reservation of who might be within earshot
19. A trip to DragonCon to meet Voyager cast members in person (Just because)
20. Mediterranean cruise
21. See my spiritual kids grow in faith and love for Christ and in turn share that love and have spiritual kids of their own

Therapy

I need this and my gut tells me someone else does to, so here we go!   A list of things that I have learned are a great source of therapy:

1. Prayer

2. Sunshine

3. Picking up a conversation with a friend you haven't talked to in months as if you never missed a second

4. Getting surprise cards from people just saying hi

5. Having fresh flowers around you

6. Music

7. Re-reading a favorite book

8. Singing along to an old musical,e.g. Mary Poppins, My Fair Lady, etc.

9. Riding on the Harley on the open road and allowing the wind to carry you away

10. The smell of the salt in the air standing on an ocean shore

11. Journaling (or in some cases blogging)

12. Swinging on a playground

13. Going to the firing range

14. Friends to save you from yourself

15. A good soak in a hot bath

16. Pedicures

17. Massages

18. Smelling snow in pine trees

If you have other things that you find therapeutic, feel free to add to the list.

Prayer

I do not believe it is coincidence that our emphasis for this next year at church is prayer. After the last couple years I've been experiencing, it feels like it will be a nice thing to have other people walking this road with me as I relive some parts, and get to stretch into new, uncharted territories and experience new ones. What better way to spend our time than in prayer?
In staff devotions this morning the topic was....you guessed it, prayer, and that sent my mind into a frenzy. We had scripture references from Ephesians 1:16-23 and 3:14-21, John 14, 15, and 15:16. Also mentioned was Colossians 1, 1 Thessalonians 5, and 2 Thessalonians 1.
Here's what came from it:
Why is it that sometimes when we pray we feel like we've touched Heaven and other times it feels like our prayers do not reach past the ceiling? It has nothing to do with God and what He wants to do or provide for us, but rather everything to do with us and our faith that the power God promises is capable of providing for us. Not to say that a lack of faith means our prayers are less likely to reach Heaven, but that our faith is what motivates us to pray even when we feel as though nothing will make a difference. It's exactly at the moments when we believe our prayers are going no further than the ceiling that we need to take hold of the scriptures and pray them, sometimes even verbatim, until we feel the strength to be able to pray our hearts. God cares enough even to hear us when we may only have the ability to groan out to Him. My God is big enough to care about every little minute detail, even up front parking at the mall, is yours? How thankful we should be for such a privilege.

Lament of the Rain boots

From the first time I saw you sitting on the shelf mischievously mocking me to purchase you, I knew I'd give in. Covered with your multicolored polka-dots, how could I resist? After all, when I was a little girl I loved my rain boots, almost as much as being barefoot. The chance to dress in head to toe rain gear and splash my way through the world was always exciting, and nothing much has changed since then. Secretly some part of you knew this about me and as I strolled past you, you leaped into my shopping basket. Just as well, secretly some part of me wanted to take you home. I wore you out in the rain and snow for four seasons of each. You've walked trails with me, pulled pranks at retreats with me,  made snowmen and angels with me, taught little people how to make a snowball and sled with me, gone fishing with me, and even helped to clean up after a flood with me. It was the winter of 2010-2011 that finally did you in. Too many snows, too much cold.
I went to take you for another splash a few weeks ago and found you slightly shriveled and showing the signs of dry rot. Imagine my dismay as I realized I would have to face the rain without you! Oh the humanity of it all!! What was I to do? I couldn't bring myself to throw you in the trash, so I placed you on the front porch for one last splash. After a week, I had come to the resolution that I would have to replace you once and for all. Heartbreak. Now I must find another pair that will be as enticing as you were, and be willing to go on as many adventures as you. I took myself back to the same store you were in and went back to the place you once lived. There to my amazement was another pair just as grand as you! Houndstooth markings that screamed to be taken out for adventures!! I am convinced that you somehow communicated to them from the trash bin that I needed them to heal my wound of losing you. Thank you for being so kind to me during all of our adventures and for sending me a new friend to continue the journey.

God of this City

As probably everyone is aware, major storms ripped through the southeast the last week of April leaving in their wake destruction and devastation unseen in decades. My heart was deeply burdened for all of them most specifically the Tuscaloosa, Alabama area. This is where my school is, where I have friends, where I've spent time. I wanted to drop everything and go there for as long as necessary and to anything that needed to be done, but jobs and responsibilities here would not allow.
Instead, I prayed for everyone there and in surrounding areas that were affected, for the workers going to help, for the crews cleaning up and rebuilding, for everyone. Then during a Wednesday night F.U.E.L. session at church, it hit me. The people in these areas have been forgotten already by the media and countess others, what better to do for them than remind them that God is still the God of their city?! And that's exactly what I did. I collected pictures from various ones of them who have gone to help and compiled a video with Chris Tomlin's version of God of this City.
 I am sharing it here so that we too might be reminded that the people in these and many other areas are still at a complete loss as to where to begin the process of picking up the pieces, and so the people right in the thick of it can be reminded that God is still right there even in the midst of such terrible disaster.

Mercy

Remember as kids when we used to sit around and compare bruises and scars asking how we got them, and we would play games where we locked fingers between people and squeezed until one person was in enough pain to yell out, "mercy"?
It seems to me that lately mercy is something that has become completely foreign to so many people. More often than not I hear of people seeking some way to get even or to balance the score instead of just walking away. Why is this I wonder? I know all the "it's human nature" and "it's just the way things are" phrases so please spare me your rendition. Frankly I don't want to hear any more of them. I would much rather hear people giving mercy to one another than taking their time and wasting mine with more excuses about how they can't possibly grant mercy to this person or that who have so wronged them.
Hear me out, this is not something new nor is this seeking the impossible out of people. Refer to Matthew 18:21 and following. Rather it has become such that every person feels they are entitled to something from everyone around them. My question to that is, "Just who do we think we are?!" No person on this planet owes us anything, and even if they do, in the big scheme of this life, does it really matter? Understand of course that I am a firm believer in repaying a debt owed, or at the very least bartering to repay it, but I do not believe that we have any right to expect things of people any more than we expect of ourselves.
Of late my heart has been conflicted because of this very scenario in more than one arena and it makes me hurt and feel emotions that truly are not healthy. I sit and hear all the bickering around me and can not help but think of all the people that live in places just south of here, or east of here who have been completely uprooted by horrendous storms over the last week. Yes, it's true our basement flooded and I had a good hour of complete mental breakdown, but I also have friends and family who share a mutual love and respect for me and likewise I do for them who came to my rescue and saved me from myself and helped to reroute well over two hundred gallons of water from our basement and then remedy the problem out in the rain digging trenches and ditches to create and alternate path for the water. Yes, I feel extremely blessed to have them around me and know that they will be there if needed. In spite of how my life has been the last week, I ache for the people who now have nothing but the life in them and the clothes on their bruised bodies. A part of me is torn wishing I could be there to help them, especially in Tuscaloosa since it's so much a part of my life (ROLL TIDE), and God willing I'll get down there later when the initial helpers are exhausted and need to return to their lives.
In lieu of all these things, and many more, the old saying rings truer than ever. 'You never know what a person is going through until you walk a mile in their shoes.' How about we all remember to realize this fact and quit being so quick to expect we are owed something? I have a charm on one of my bracelets that simply says, "Get over it" and that nearly sums up everything. There is nothing in this life that we can't get over. Don't go rolling your eyes at me either. If you don't believe me, hear this, you haven't walked a mile in MY shoes any more than I have in yours. If you want to hear some of the hurts and turmoils I've been through in this life, and some of the hell I've come out of and walked through myself and with my friends and family, by all means, ask me. I will be happy to bare myself and my scars for you. Just as we sat around as kids and asked each other about where we got our bruises, cuts, scrapes and scars, we need to do the same as grown-ups.
After all, everyone has a story.

Strengths....and schizophrenia?

As some of you know and others have probably heard about, we've endured some changes around the workplace over the last few months. We are slowly progressing toward the 21st Century while not losing focus of our heritage and foundation, and this is a welcome thing. Back in the fall we did group sessions on a broad scale where we were allowed to (finally) voice our thoughts and concerns and ideas for where we spend the majority of our daily lives, and those were condensed a few times over to the things that kept being put on the table. We learned about melting icebergs, and accepting change without panic, but with some reservation, and overall it was a positive change. Then we did a survey to be completely honest about what we think of the ins and outs of our workplace and the executive staff. I think we shell shocked them when they realized that on some very key things, they have been failing miserably, and on some surface issues they seem to be succeeding. Because of all of this the atmosphere is one that is lighter, more open, and finally something that my brain can appreciate. (see here for reference to what my brain can appreciate) It is not an overnight process, and there have and will continue to be things that will get in the way or make us alter our plans at least a little, but the fact that there is any progress is great!
The latest new thing is a little deal by the Gallup folks called Strengths Finder 2.0. We were all given a book to read that also contained a specific code to each one that would correspond to our unique account on the accompanying website for us to take a 'test' to determine our top five strengths. Think about it, how often are we actually asked to determine our strengths? We are constantly surrounded with what is wrong with us, or how we aren't capable enough, and given interest inventories to take to help us learn where we might best succeed, but not given the tools we need in order to succeed, in anything. So a bunch of us have shared what our top fives are and they are all as unique as we are. If you would like to know more about the book, or the philosophy behind it, you can check them out at www.strengthsfinder.com or you can like them on Facebook. I took the test and when I initially saw the words for my top five I thought about them as they are defined by Webster and instantly decided I was schizophrenic. My top five read as: Harmony, Consistency, Activator, Individualization, and Relator. But upon further examination of the definitions according to the book, and the personalized print out that I received when I took the test, I realize somehow they implanted something into my brain and knew exactly my thoughts.
Case in point:
1. Harmony(according to the book) " You look for areas of agreement. In your view there is little to be gained from conflict and friction, so you seek to hold them to a minimum. When you know that people around you hold differing views, you try to find the common ground. You can't quite believe how much time is wasted by people trying to impose their views on others. When others are sounding off about their goals, their claims, and their fervently held opinions, you hold your peace. When others strike out in a direction, you will willingly, in the service of harmony, modify your own objectives to merge with theirs(as long as their basic values do not clash with yours).  In your view we are all in the same boat, and we need this boat to get where we are going. It is a good boat. There is no need to rock it just to show that you can." WOW!! Then there is the more personalized to me version "By nature, you naturally search for plans, ideas, and techniques that have proved to be successful. You are eager to share your practical insights with people who are at odds with one another. You help them move from a position of confrontation to one of general agreement. You continually look for ways to create calm and peace within groups of people and between individuals. Chances are good that you might realize you interact with certain people better when you maintain a healthy equilibrium- that is, an intellectual or emotional poise- in all areas of your life." and another WOW!! but we're only on the first one. Needless to say, I was already hooked into what the next four could possibly contain about myself, and so I read on hurriedly but with purpose.

2. Consistency (from the book) " Balance is important to you. You are keenly aware of the need to treat people the same, no matter what their station in life, so you do not want to see the scales tipped too far in any one person's favor. It leads to a world where some people gain an unfair advantage because of their connections or their background or their greasing of the wheels. This is truly offensive to you. In direct contrast to this world of special favors, you believe that people function best in a consistent environment where the rules are clear and are applied to everyone equally." Anyone who knows me knows this is definitely true, it's one of the key reasons I hated college so much the first go around because too many people acted against this and expected the same from me. Consistency from my personalized perspective? Well! "Driven by your talents, you are quite content when you have performed to the best of your ability. You probably waste little, if any, time wishing you had put more time or effort into a task. You trust yourself to evaluate the quality and the quantity of your work. It's very likely that you perhaps invent rules or procedures for the sake of efficiency and accuracy when you must perform repetitious or mundane tasks. Chances are good that you may stay abreast of newsworthy events. Periodically you might collect updates from print of broadcast media or through one-on-one conversations with informed individuals. By balancing what you hear, read, or see, you might be able to sort fact from fiction. By nature, you sometimes prefer assignments or projects that demand strict adherence to standards." Yep, sounds about right, doesn't it?

3. Activator (according to the book) "'When can we start?' is a recurring question in your life. You are impatient for action. You may concede that analysis has its uses or that debate and discussion can occasionally yield some valuable insights, but deep down you know that only action is real. Once a decision is made, you cannot not act. Others may worry that 'there are still some things we don't know', but this doesn't seem to slow you. In your view, action and thinking are not opposites. In fact, you believe that action is the best device for learning. How can you grow if you have nothing to react to? You believe you can't. The bottom line is this: You know you will be judged not by what you say, not by what you think, but by what you get done. This does not frighten you. It pleases you." Yeah, this is completely accurate of me. When we've made an informed decision, I say, let's go, we'll work out the details as we go. From the personalized take on it: " Because of your strengths, you might be the team member who influences your friends to start certain tasks and keep working until they are done. Sometimes you pressure your pals to reach goals by issuing orders, confronting slackers, or forcing poor performers to meet certain quality standards. By nature, you are naturally open and honest about who you are, what you have done, what you can do, and what you cannot do. Your straightforward explanations and stories help listeners to see you as you see yourself. You reveal your strengths and limitations. You are forthright and plainspoken. People generally seek your company and want to work with you. Chances are good that you quiet outspoken people with your quick and clever thinking. You rely on facts and reason to support your ideas. Many individuals choose to submit to whatever you tell them to do. Few dare to resist and ignore your orders. Frequently your mental agility overpowers people who traditionally like to take charge." Umm....guilty.

4. Individualization (from the book's take) "Your Individualization theme leads you to be intrigued by the unique qualities of each person. You are impatient with generalizations or 'types' because you don't want to obscure what is special and distinct about each person. You instinctively observe each person's style, each person's motivation, how each thinks, and how each builds relationships.This theme explains why you pick your friends just the right birthday gift, why you know that one person prefers praise in public and another detests it, and why you tailor your teaching style to accommodate one person's need to be shown and another's desire to 'figure it out as I go'. Because you are a keen observer of other people's strengths, you can draw out the best in each person." Then the personalized version says, "Driven by your talents, you greatly enjoy the written word. You often are found pouring over a book to acquire simple facts or to deepen your understanding of a favorite topic. Because you are well-read, you routinely provide people with information they currently need. Instinctively, you eliminate chaos. You probably walk into out-of-control situations and quickly determine where materials or people need to be placed for the sake of efficiency. Individuals tend to rely on you to think of all the steps, pieces, and parts. It's very likely that you might tune into the needs or moods of certain individuals better than some people do. You occasionally know without trying what they are thinking or feeling as they deal with life's joys, sorrows, challenges, or monotony. You might show your partners how one action or a single comment caused something unexpected to occur. Experience might be one of your best teachers." Absolutely true!

5. Relator (from the book) "Relator describes your attitude toward your relationships. You do not necessarily shy away from meeting new people but you do derive a great deal of pleasure and strength from being around your close friends. You are comfortable with intimacy. Once the initial connection has been made, you deliberately encourage a deepening of the relationship. You want to understand their feelings, their goals, their fears, their dreams; and you want them to understand yours. You know that this kind of closeness implies a certain amount of risk--you might be taken advantage of--but you are willing to accept that risk. For you a relationship has value only if it is genuine. And the only way to know that is to entrust yourself to the other person." I think everyone knows that it takes a lot to get into my inner circle of friends, and once there, you are loved unconditionally, protected, and nurtured. But if you break that trust deeply, you're out and you'll be hard-pressed to get back in.  From the personalized take: " Sitting around and wasting time does not suit you at all. It's very likely that you thoughtfully select your friends. You avoid rushing into relationships. Once you trust and care about someone, the individual probably seeks your counsel. People whom you have befriended turn to you for guidance. Often you help them see a situation or problem from a different perspective because of something you discovered while surveying a book, article, letter or internet site. For you, reading is the key that opens the door to a world of fresh ideas. You collect them, never knowing when something you read will benefit someone else. Instinctively, you genuinely enjoy activities when just about everything makes sense. You naturally gravitate to tasks where facts, events, processes, or ideas are methodically outlined."  Yes, again!!

I could go on and on about this whole thing, but suffice it to say that I felt like someone had literally followed me around all my life and watched me while creating this list. I find it absolutely amazing how these five intertwine with one another and how fun it is to find out what other people's are and find out why we really work well together or why we clash on some things. It's also cool that even when people have the same ones, they are unique to each person based on how we answered the questions. (Believe me this is true, one friend and I have the exact same top two and they are very different) And so I've learned that I am in fact, not schizophrenic, and that my top five strengths define me more than even I can completely understand right now. I'm holding out to find out exactly what we are going to do with our new found knowledge, ever impatiently true to my Activator self, but trying my best to sit still in my anticipation.
If any of you have ever done the strengths finder test, what were your results??!

Just one of those kinda days(probably offensive to some, but really, its my blog so who cares?)

For whatever reason today I find myself just thinking about the ramblings that are here and the many that have never made it here. I question sometimes what the point is exactly of these musings. Maybe that's just me, but it's where I find myself.
I heard something very interesting over the weekend about how we women tend to view ourselves and how much of us is made up in that and we can't shake it because we are women. Made me think of all the people I know, women especially that spend so much time worrying about what the person next to them is thinking about them. When on Earth will we stop focusing so much on ourselves and realize that the odds of the person next to us even thinking about us (in a general public setting) is so close to zero that it's not worth even listing it?
I had the opportunity to speak to someone last night that I don't usually get to and they reminded me of one of the first memories they have of me. First of all I was thirteen when they met me, and God love them, they still like me. They remembered that my hair had been fairly long, not surprising since it kind of went with the territory of family heritage, but that I wanted to have it short. So I had it cut, extremely short, but fashionable for 1993. I loved it and then kept it short all the way through high school. The haircut isn't what matters here, it's that she told me that she was floored because I had said something about I want to have it short even though it had not been so since I was a child, and I just went out and did it without thinking for a second about what someone else might think about my haircut. She told me that was imprinted in her memory and that she wished that she could live completely unabashed of the people around her. Now that's fine when you're thirteen, but in the grown-up world we have to have some sort of tact about us and be mindful of the people around us.
Granted I have a small number of women in my life who love me even when I'm not tactful, and will call me out and tell me to settle down when I need it, and I will do the same for them. None of us is perfect and it amazes me how many people get uncomfortable at the thought of holding another person accountable for something as simple as tact. We'll not hesitate for a second to hold one another accountable if we know we are living a lifestyle outside the teachings of Jesus but claim to follow those teachings, e.g. drinking, smoking, gambling, womanizing, and so on, but we won't call someone out if they behave like a child in a situation, or slander or gossip or___________. Someone please enlighten me as to why this is so hard for people to do? I  don't have any trouble with it, even when I'm the one being called out, and I have people around me who are of the same mindset the majority of the time, but I observe people who watch us and are shell-shocked when we dare to tell a peer or friend that they are way off base. Isn't that just as much a part of Jesus' teachings as telling them not to commit adultery? Comments welcomed.