Respite from Reality. (Parental Warning: Potential depressive thoughts ahead)

I wonder how bad it would be if I came to the reality that my time spent at work is a respite from my time spent away from work. What would that say about me exactly, and would it matter? Perhaps I should be more specific, I don't mind my time away from work that is spent with my friends, or traveling, or at church, or with most of my family. Of late what I do mind is that I have so many little things going on in this life away from work from school pressures, life responsibilities, household rules, health junk, etc. that I honestly think I may have come to the point that work is a nice escape from those things. At work I don't have to keep my opinions to myself out of concern for how the reaction will be if I voice them, I don't have to be concerned about school stuff because there's enough work going around to keep me busy enough not to worry about the paper I need to write or the chapters I haven't read (at least most days), and at work I have enough work and concerns for other people and their lives going on that I don't have the time to spend worrying about my own concerns and life (again, most days). 

Today though, I find myself in a place I haven't been in a long time, and I am willing myself with every fiber in my being to get out of here. It's scary, and lonely, and dark. Don't any one of you reading DARE to respond with encouragement in the form of telling me that God is with me and has everything under control. Do you not know that I KNOW this?! This is what I am clinging to and hanging on to, this is what allows me to be able to write these things and not succumb to the place my emotions want to take me today. If my friend were to ask me today how's the weather in my world, sadly I would have to admit to her that today it's dreary, grey, and foggy and that I can't see far enough to put one foot in front of the other. 

But fear not readers...I have hope tucked away deep in my heart. In my thoughts I'm being pulled back to Ecclesiastes 3:11 "He has made everything beautiful in its time." and there's a number of songs that come to mind as well. Mostly, I'm remembering that Sunday in the message, the pastor asked us if we would be happy this week. I didn't know it then, but that was aimed at what was going to hit me later, and I'm glad I was paying attention. I choose to be happy, even in spite of my emotions and dark thoughts today! I'm going to write the lyrics to a couple of the songs that came to mind during the sermon, as well as one that I thought about last night. Even now, they can make me smile. 

1. Apple Red Happiness- children's song that I think I learned when I was about 6 or 7 from my surrogate mother. Loved her and loved this song.

Apple red happiness
Popcorn cheerfulness
Cinnamon singing inside
Peppermint energy
Gumdrop holidays
When you give Christ your life
The benefits of God's great love are super-satisfying
Throw away your sin, let God's love shine in
Try it and you'll see how you get
Apple red happiness 
Popcorn cheerfulness
Cinnamon singing inside
Peppermint energy
Gumdrop holidays
When you give Christ your life

2. Happiness is the Lord- also learned from the surrogate mother. Funny how we go back to that, huh?

Happiness is to know the Savior, 
Living a life within His favor
Having a change in my behavior, 
Happiness is the Lord

Happiness is a new creation, 
Jesus and me in close relation
Having a part in His salvation, 
Happiness is the Lord

Real joy is mine,
no matter if teardrops start
I've found the secret 
It's Jesus in my heart
Happiness is to be forgiven, 
Living a life that's worth the livin'
Taking a trip that leads to heaven,
Happiness is the Lord

3. Beautiful Things- introduced a little over a year ago during F.U.E.L. worship by a group of college kids. Great lyrics!

All this pain
I wonder if I’ll ever find my way
I wonder if my life could really change at all
All this earth
Could all that is lost ever be found
Could a garden come up from this ground at all

You make beautiful things
You make beautiful things out of the dust
You make beautiful things
You make beautiful things out of us

All around
Hope is springing up from this old ground
Out of chaos life is being found in You

You make beautiful things
You make beautiful things out of the dust
You make beautiful things
You make beautiful things out of us

You make beautiful things
You make beautiful things out of the dust
You make beautiful things
You make beautiful things out of us

You make me new, You are making me new
You make me new, You are making me new
You are making me new

You make beautiful things
You make beautiful things out of the dust
You make beautiful things
You make beautiful things out of us

You make beautiful things
You make beautiful things out of the dust
You make beautiful things
You make beautiful things out of us

You make me new, You are making me new
You make me new, You are making me new

and finally….

4. Don't worry, be happy--Bobby McFerrin (click to hear)

And now before everyone flips out and thinks I've really lost it, I can assure you that I haven't. I'm simply stating openly something that generally would find itself in a private journal, but I felt like today I didn't want it to be private. I am not worried about the things rolling around in my mind at present because I believe that this too shall pass and I will be better for it, by the grace of God.