Let's do life, together.

Let me warn you at the beginning, this will be long. If you've only got two minutes, table it and come back when you can read it all the way through. 

I recently read a post someone shared about things from their childhood and it got me thinking.

I remember as a kid the constants in life and how badly I miss them. Everything from regular life events, school, family gatherings, meals, church activities and vacations. Even all the times hearing if I would bother to apply myself just a bit farther or harder I could be top of the game. All of these things shaped who I am today. I wouldn't trade anything for the memories and lessons. The people that were the constants in this life I lived made it what it is. They were there through all the fun times and the summer travels, multiple housing moves, birthdays and holidays. But they were also there during the hard times; the sicknesses, the relationship struggles, kid issues, health concerns and deaths. These people hung in and didn't disappear into their own universes when things got hard. They taught me how to love and be loved. That being said, what I would trade is nearly anything to have some of that in life now. What I want and need is people who are willing to take the risk and do life alongside me and mine.

Before those of you that have been, at various points, right here walking this life road with me get all wound up, sit down. Be patient and hear me out. I have loved you at various points on this path and still do. Circumstances and major life events have put a geographical distance between many of us. For the few that are still somewhat close by, crazy schedules means we rarely get face time. For each and every one of you whether close by or far away, know that I love you all deeply and am so thankful for technology that allows us to easily keep in contact (Though I won't lie, I'm still on the hunt for a pen pal if any of you is interested in keeping the USPS employed with me). I want to take the moment to tell each of you how grateful I am for all of the life we've been through. You guys have listened to me tell stories, cry, scream, and heaven knows vent. You've let me in on your secrets and see all your ugly parts, and you've stuck around during mine. I've gotten to hold your babies, play with your kids, mentor your middle and high schoolers and listen to your stories about them and theirs about you. We're never going to lose our bonds even when we don't get to spend quality face time together. If anything here you hear, know I thank you and love you for this. These words that follow are not so much for you, but feel free to read on.

This is more a lifeline for people who are nearby and willing to take a risk and be vulnerable. What I'm curious to find is if there are still new people around me who are willing to peel back the onion layers and do this thing called life alongside me and mine. Are you willing to share your dreams, your highs, lows, and stale times? Are you willing to share the heartaches and hurts; the secrets? Are there still chairs around your table to meet new people? Or maybe to just say to someone like me, "I've seen you around but never gotten to really know you." Or is your life too crowded and busy? Maybe you have enough close by friends still that this doesn't really resonate to you. My hope for you is that you treasure them and that reality if you still have it.

I'd be willing to bet though that there's more than just me out there feeling this way. If so, please know that I'd love to get to know you and yours and hear your story. I’d love to hold your babies if you want a break or be a mentor to your middle or high schooler. I'd love to get together once a week, month whatever and have dinner in one of our homes just because. Friendships don't have to be surrounded by an event or outing; let's get back to the simple things. Let's get to the real life stuff. Come on over for a movie night or spend a Saturday running errands together or watching football. I'm willing to get in the mud with you so we're all better and stronger on the other side. I'll even hand you a towel. 🙂
Any takers? 

Dancing solo in a crowded room

Some months ago I mentioned to the big dawg that I missed my peeps. The topic came to us as we were reflecting on many things including how fortunate we've been to have had the people in our lives that we have. I know in my heart that I was still reeling from so many things that happened in 2018 and I was honestly just tired of it and ready for a new year. Don't get me wrong, I am exceptionally aware of so many good things that came from 2018 as well and I have spent and will continue to spend quality time feeling grateful and holding these truths near to my heart. But, there's something that in spite of everything good and bad that just keeps nagging at my soul. That is I miss having peeps around me. Some of them have been mentioned here, but there are many others.
Life being life has taken us all to places we hardly imagined when that previous post was penned--and if you had asked us then we probably would have said no matter where life was going, we'd get there together. But life is funny that way and here we are all spread out throughout the country and we keep in contact as much as we can but it is definitely a challenge. So what am I getting at? Simple. For more of us than possibly care to admit, we feel oftentimes as if we are dancing solo in a crowded room. Even though we may be in the midst of people we care a great deal for, we are alone.  Living as more spectators to the lives around us than participants with. Often this is because we're the new kid and people just haven't gotten to know us yet; but what if we're the new kid still years later? It wears at you, that's what. The depressing reality is that the people we're around still don't know us deep and take the time to learn and understand what makes us tick. They're busy sharing life with each other because they still have their peeps close at hand. I wish them nothing less than these times and hope they can treasure them the way I did when I was in their place. But I also hope that they can be aware of the people watching from the sidelines and remembering how good it felt to have that. Maybe it's something just in a shift in the dynamic of the world or a generational thing (side note: I think "generational things" get blamed for too much) but this seems to be a growing trend. In the last few months there have been multiple people from various stages and seasons of life who have expressed similar feelings to these of mine. I believe firmly that we've intersected and at least had mention of these types of struggles as an encouragement to one another to not lose heart. Webster defines lonely as "being without company". You can sit in the most crowded of places and still be lonely for one of many reasons. Personally it tends to be more because people are under the impression that I have such a wide circle of friends and family that my life is somehow constantly occupied. In reality my life is occupied by the same mundane chores as everyone else and some of the same interests. Truth is I don't mind spending quality time with peeps doing the mundane things if it means we're developing a depth of friendship and mutual care to where we can be comfortable sharing our hurts, our concerns, our joys, our triumphs and setbacks with someone to be accountable to besides a spouse. Bring it on I say. One of my peeps said it perhaps best when we were early into our friendship when she's stated and I paraphrase, "...you're everyone's Lucy. Their go to to vent or process through or cry on a shoulder or merely confide without judgement. You have such a wide circle of acquaintances who are friendly, but you have no confidants anymore--everyone has died or moved far away so there's something lost." Possibly no truer words have been said of me in a long time. She said them out of love and care, and I love her for it...even if she did move far away. 🙂
All of this to say, if you're at a place in life where your peeps are nearby and you have the depth to really be accountable to one another, treasure it. If like me, you're more on the outside looking in, chin up. Pull yourself up and keep going. Keep forcing yourself to put yourself out there and be at risk or vulnerable. Keep determining to get out there and grow your number of friends who become peeps. Who knows, maybe one day we'll find each other and won't be dancing solo anymore. Anyone down for movie nights, rock band, or table games?