Some months ago I mentioned to the big dawg that I missed my peeps. The topic came to us as we were reflecting on many things including how fortunate we've been to have had the people in our lives that we have. I know in my heart that I was still reeling from so many things that happened in 2018 and I was honestly just tired of it and ready for a new year. Don't get me wrong, I am exceptionally aware of so many good things that came from 2018 as well and I have spent and will continue to spend quality time feeling grateful and holding these truths near to my heart. But, there's something that in spite of everything good and bad that just keeps nagging at my soul. That is I miss having peeps around me. Some of them have been mentioned here, but there are many others.
Life being life has taken us all to places we hardly imagined when that previous post was penned--and if you had asked us then we probably would have said no matter where life was going, we'd get there together. But life is funny that way and here we are all spread out throughout the country and we keep in contact as much as we can but it is definitely a challenge. So what am I getting at? Simple. For more of us than possibly care to admit, we feel oftentimes as if we are dancing solo in a crowded room. Even though we may be in the midst of people we care a great deal for, we are alone. Living as more spectators to the lives around us than participants with. Often this is because we're the new kid and people just haven't gotten to know us yet; but what if we're the new kid still years later? It wears at you, that's what. The depressing reality is that the people we're around still don't know us deep and take the time to learn and understand what makes us tick. They're busy sharing life with each other because they still have their peeps close at hand. I wish them nothing less than these times and hope they can treasure them the way I did when I was in their place. But I also hope that they can be aware of the people watching from the sidelines and remembering how good it felt to have that. Maybe it's something just in a shift in the dynamic of the world or a generational thing (side note: I think "generational things" get blamed for too much) but this seems to be a growing trend. In the last few months there have been multiple people from various stages and seasons of life who have expressed similar feelings to these of mine. I believe firmly that we've intersected and at least had mention of these types of struggles as an encouragement to one another to not lose heart. Webster defines lonely as "being without company". You can sit in the most crowded of places and still be lonely for one of many reasons. Personally it tends to be more because people are under the impression that I have such a wide circle of friends and family that my life is somehow constantly occupied. In reality my life is occupied by the same mundane chores as everyone else and some of the same interests. Truth is I don't mind spending quality time with peeps doing the mundane things if it means we're developing a depth of friendship and mutual care to where we can be comfortable sharing our hurts, our concerns, our joys, our triumphs and setbacks with someone to be accountable to besides a spouse. Bring it on I say. One of my peeps said it perhaps best when we were early into our friendship when she's stated and I paraphrase, "...you're everyone's Lucy. Their go to to vent or process through or cry on a shoulder or merely confide without judgement. You have such a wide circle of acquaintances who are friendly, but you have no confidants anymore--everyone has died or moved far away so there's something lost." Possibly no truer words have been said of me in a long time. She said them out of love and care, and I love her for it...even if she did move far away. 🙂
All of this to say, if you're at a place in life where your peeps are nearby and you have the depth to really be accountable to one another, treasure it. If like me, you're more on the outside looking in, chin up. Pull yourself up and keep going. Keep forcing yourself to put yourself out there and be at risk or vulnerable. Keep determining to get out there and grow your number of friends who become peeps. Who knows, maybe one day we'll find each other and won't be dancing solo anymore. Anyone down for movie nights, rock band, or table games?
