Anyone else ever have the struggle of having people who 'knew you when' not be able to know you now? It's like they are forever stunted in their belief about who you are. Perhaps this is a just me scenario though I suspect it is much more common than any of us admits.
This past year and some change has been one of the most rewarding and most trying simultaneously. Challenging in feeling utterly betrayed by a group of people who should have behaved better and should have had my back while rewarding in finding a place where I truly fit in and where my ideas and opinions are valued as is my time. A place where no one is abused or penalized simply because they are good at something. This has made so many other things over the last year enjoyable.
Trying in the sense of losing my posse to some extent and not knowing exactly what that may look like going forward. In this case there was no betrayal or hurt had as much as there was just the reality of being in very different seasons and needing to cultivate what the going forward might look like. I'd be completely lying if I said it's been great or super fun during this process. It 100% hasn't been and has made me question it more than a few times as well as long for the times when I had a posse I knew I could call for any reason at anytime. On the flip side, being in this place has given me a chance to step out and begin to get to know new people. Still not a posse, but perhaps one day.
This year has brought reward in reconciled family relationships after nearly twenty years. There's still plenty of challenge involved and yet they are almost welcomed in a way to see how this can continue to grow as we learn who one another is. We've come a long way thus far and we still have plenty of ground to cover.
All of these things are good things and things that provide opportunity for growth and depth as a person sure, but still I find myself being left wondering about those peeps who can't seem to see who I am today. I certainly don't claim to be anything special or deserving of anything spectacular, I aim to be genuine. Sometimes I am genuine to a fault and I have to check myself, but I make no apologies for being real. Firmly rooted into my moral code is to be true to who you are no matter what someone else thinks. The crazy thing for me is that it seems for some people there is a belief that a person is forever and always one way, or rooted in one type of thought, attitude, etc. There is no allowance for a person to grow and change. Just as the tide ebbs and flows, so a person who understands the need to always strive to be the best version of themselves is constantly open to adjustments and sways to life. I'm not speaking of altering a moral code or going against beliefs, but about not remaining stubborn and resolute about things that need to move and change. And so, currently I find myself searching to make sure I'm not being one of the 'knew you when' people all while working to make sure I'm open to stretching in my own areas of stubborn stupidity.
The struggle is more real than ever.
