The Space Between

Isn't the space between supposed to be just that? The between. It's meant to be the filler between two grander acts in life or so we've been lied to and told all of our lives. In reality, the space between is the grand act.

What am I getting at? Simple, we've got it all upside down. I am as guilty as the next person in this. Reasons vary from one to another, sure but we all experience and feel it. For me recently it's that twinge of 'this isn't where I fit' and the brutality of knowing that means the difficulty and frustration of once again finding the right fit looms. Add in the mix other people and you're quickly creating a cocktail that could easily take you out.

When you find yourself not really fitting into any one place well, it opens up this space. It tends to feel really lonely in the emptiness and very much like you've become an island in search of an archipelago to join. The need to fit into a community is astoundingly overwhelming and it causes us sometimes to float away on our island to learn more about ourselves and seek out the group we most similarly resemble, all in the name of not remaining an island.

Are you following here? The island is the space between. It is those times when you're searching that vast space to find a place to belong. Why not just stay in the archipelago you came from someone will ask. It is a completely acceptable, if expected question but no one really wants to hear the response. It makes them uncomfortable. The response is simply that in order to continue to grow and learn in this life, you have to sometimes leave your comfort zone and move to the place where you have more similarities again than differences. This doesn't mean you forget where you came from or all you've shared, in fact those things are a comfort while you're floating because you know you'll have them again one day. Until you do, you just have to learn in the space between. 

Things that envelop the senses and stir the soul

It's been quite a long while since I posted a top 10 list. Here's some things that envelop my senses and stir my soul. 

1. The smell of the ocean.

2. The smell of a fresh rainstorm.

These first two are sort of multipart because they are invigorating in so many ways.

3. A proper hug. 

4. A beautifully painted sunrise.

5. The smell of freshly brewed hot tea or fresh coffee grounds. 

6. Music.

7. A long walk.

8. The smell of carbureted engines.

9. The bright full moon.

10. The sounds of friends and family conversing across the meal table.

Ask me sometime about these and many others and I'll do my best to share why. 

Blame it on the week--end

Going into this past weekend my friends and family would tell you I had been well behaved and not played one Christmas song or watched even one Christmas show or movie. Enter our annual ladies retreat over the weekend and... The theme this year was Christmas and to say I was anticipating it would be a gross understatement.

I'm typing as I listen to/watch White Christmas, blame it on the weekend. Pray for the big dawg because now that it's started he will be inundated with it for at least three months. The fact that I quietly quote the entire thing and sing each song is purely a bonus, for me at least.

Christmastime for me is a time being very torn between anticipation and nostalgia. Perhaps that is true for everyone. But leading into retreat weekend I found myself living with pure anticipation. I was excited to be at one of my favorite places; to spend time with dear, dear friends (didn't do enough of this); hopeful to become better acquainted with newer friends (did some of this); and see how God would show up (did lots of this). Circumstances happened to a few key players ahead of this retreat that meant that many of us unexpectantly were asked to step up and fill gaps at the last minute. My heart began to ache for the ones that I knew would be missing and once I arrived the anticipation began to feel more like nostalgia. In many ways it felt like a mix between a family reunion and summer camp. 

Truth is, I wish it had been summer camp. The depth of friendship and transparency with these ladies is something that I do not take lightly and wish I had the opportunity to do more frequently. Between the sermons about the "gifts" of Christmas I found my spirit wondering. I began to evaluate the people in my life most frequently and the people who once were. No doubt this is dangerous territory being analytical about relationships, but it's my perspective. I thought about the substance of life that I am sharing and have shared with these ladies and found that true to form, I completely enjoy the company of many different ages and life situations and am better for it. But I move closer to best when I realize that I get to learn so much from the ones who are more experienced than I and when it's needed, share that wisdom with a side of my own experiences to those coming behind me. 

I also realized that I need to make a concerted effort to balance my time between them. I am still growing and learning and the only way to have a chance to speak life into the ones behind me is if I am willing to have it spoken to me. That may mean that at times I do not agree or am argumentative or even on occasion downright obstinate because I don't like the current experience, but I am trusting that I will continually remember this weekend and the things I learned inside and outside of the services and be open to the leading of the Spirit.

And so as my movie wraps up and my heart is full I'm now torn between pulling all of my organizer bins from their storage and making my house look like Christmas morning beginning tomorrow or being patient to experience the life in between now and then. You know what I'll do, but the truth needed to be shared.  Like I said, blame it on the weekend. 

Age is relative, right?

Even Webster is incapable of nailing down a specific example of ‘age’. Rather it covers all the possible bases within the English language; good on you Webster.

As somewhat frustrating as that is, it fits doesn’t it? How does one define age, truly? Sure we’ve all heard, and probably said things such as ‘age is just a number’, ‘act your age’, ‘you’re as young as you feel’, etc. All these things are true at varying times in our lives, but how exactly can you define age?

After some interesting encounters one day a few weeks ago this thought began rolling around 

my brain. That day I had interacted with people of nearly every decade of ‘age’, but the irony struck me in the evening. One of the conversations I had during the day was with a very precocious three year old that’s going on thirty. During our conversation she was asking about people’s ages and I asked her how old she thought was considered old. This is a deadly question I know, but I wanted to see what her thoughts were. She pulled a number that lives somewhere in the mid-twenties and said it was super old. I had to smile at that and tell her then that I was definitely ‘old’ to her; a point that she argued and I happily allowed it. The epiphanic moment happened that evening when I was conversing with someone in their mid-fifties. During the course of conversation after a comment I made they acknowledged its truth, but did so with emphasis on the wisdom of my youth. That got me really thinking.

In the course of less than twenty four hours, I’d been at both ends of the spectrum. I even said it to the mid-fifties person. To someone somewhere I’m supremely old and ancient, not quite irrelevant, but not quite applicable and yet to someone else I’m considered extremely young. It’s very much like seasonings isn’t it? You prepare a fresh seasoning for something and it’s so robust at the start but over time as it is stored and used the flavor begins to fade slightly. This is not true of the person I was talking with, but the irony was and still is not lost on me that no matter if you’re considered very young or very old the practicality of your usefulness wanes and people tend to take you for granted, or not give you the appropriate consideration of importance.

And so, as I find myself closer to the forties decade than not I still ask the question. How exactly can you define age?