Symmetry

Symmetry: n. balanced proportions.

This is something I am having trouble with apparently this week. Being of an O.C.D. mindset, symmetry is vital. Like I've teased before, Feng Shui is not a new concept. Anyone with O.C.D. has been practicing it for years.
I'm just thankful for having people around me who notice no matter how hard I'm trying to just survive. Although sometimes it seems like the closest people miss the obvious! I know the psychology around why and I can tell it to myself but still. There are just days when it would be nice to have some symmetry!
To end with a self reminder, "Love bears all things,believes all things, hopes all things,endures all things. Love never ends." 1 Corinthians 13:7-8a

Ever have just one of those days....?

Do you? I don't seem to have those days all that often, but when I do they come with a vengence. Yesterday for me was one of those days. I shall not bore anyone who might read this with the details, suffice it to say that the day was a wash. But I did get to hear some interesting stories about a friend's travels over the last weekend. She always meets the most interesting people when she travels, someday I hope I can experience them with her. I also witnessed a person at the local Wal-Mart that could have very easily been famous on peopleofwalmart.com, and then saw a car on fire in the same parking lot when I was leaving. If it is any consolation, these were the high points of my day. Thank God that today is a new day and as Anne of Green Gables says, "with no mistakes in it."

As with everyone, I have crazy family members that do stupid things that usually don't directly affect all of us, but this one is reALLY BIG! It has the magnitude to render James and I, non-parents, parents to at least an 8 and 4 year old with the possibility of a 7 year old tacked on. Figure out how terrifying that is to us! Anyone who knows 'the family' knows that something like this doesn't just sit around and get chewed on. It's like the mafia..we all the sudden go from 'sweet and harmless' to these crazed people that 'if you touch a hair on that head...', well you get the picture. All I ask here is that you keep my family as a whole in prayer as we all are worried about these children and what is best for them, while trying to keep their parents behaved.

On a happy note, I had to get new "guts" to my cell phone and had to clear some pictures off of there and found four that I will post here.

The first is a set of magnets that my 'awesome' friend left me as a surprise one morning. They are indeed awesome! I have since posted them at random around my workspace, and even shared a couple back with her because they made a good description of her. :-) Then I have one of Abi...because she's so great. Abi is 'helping' James play rockband.

 She was so tired one night and just wanted to be held, but he was busy playing so she compromised. And of course you can't have an Abi picture without an Ellie one, I just wish Ellie would sit still for more than a second to get a good shot of her. Here she's just sitting next to James using him as a chair/pillow. And the last one is special! It's a great bumper sticker that I found at a Harley shop outside of Clarksville. I post it on here knowing that most people will not care, but I just have to smile every time I see it.

I'm also still in the process of trying to get everything squared away to be back in school next fall. I am supposed to be writing an essay and posting it on here that talks about what would I do if I found myself diagnosed with a terminal disease. Would I continue doing just as the doctors order no matter the results, or would I venture into uncharted waters and research and learn all I could about the disease and what other people who have had it did, and find doctors who would be willing to listen to me and actually care about me? I am actually excited to write about it, especially since I sat not too long ago and watched a woman that was like a mother to me fade away because of misinformation from her doctors. I remember how enraged I felt when I learned for certain that things could have and most likely would have been very different had her doctor actually done what he was supposed to. I still knew months prior to her death that she wouldn't ever be cured, and I have no way to explain how I knew that. But I learned a lot through that entire ordeal and will hopefully be able to apply it towards this essay. Be on the lookout for it coming soon.

God is never surprised

So I was clearing some things off and found a note I had scrawled awhile back about the fact that God is never surprised. Decided it was worthy of a blog post.




There is nothing new to God. We must be anchored so deep in our faith that when the surprises of our lives come, we don’t look to God and say “what’s going on?”, but rather we look to God and we say “we know that there is a plan.”

Have we ever thought really hard about the fact that God is never surprised?



I wish I could recall what prompted this scratch, but I’m still taking it all in...again. It’s a pretty powerful concept if we really stop long enough to dwell on it. My challenge to you is that you actually do that. Take the time to think about the fact that everything that occurs in our lives is not a surprise to God. We just have to be willing to be used no matter what circumstance we find ourselves in today.

Ten reasons to read

So I was sitting in a training session this morning for our new computer systems at work, and the question on the floor didn’t pertain to me. So I let my eyes wander around the room and I found this poster hanging and copied what it said.




Ten Reasons to Read:



1. Read to understand the past.

2. Read to explore your world.

3. Read to plan your future.

4. Read to visit new places.

5. Read to create great things.

6. Read to make a good decision.

7. Read to have fun.

8. Read to exercise your mind.

9. Read to keep in touch.

10. Read because you can!



Those reminded me again why I enjoy reading now. When I was a kid, not so much, I wanted to be outside, but now I can appreciate a good book, especially on a rainy day.

Is it possible to receive gifts from God with an ungrateful heart?

This question was posed to me this morning in staff devotions. The actual devotions was on forgiveness as both a gift and a rebuke and how we deal with it as grown people. That part of the devotional was good and there were things in there that I was reminded of in a good way. But the question of can we receive gifts from God with an ungrateful heart really hit me hard. Now I know that the subject question could be about any kind of gift from God, not just one of the spiritual gifts found in I Corinthians.But it was only a little over a week ago that I was complaining to a close friend about how sometimes I want to trade in my spiritual gift. How there are times when I wish that I could either give it back or simply trade it in for one that seems by all appearances to be easier to handle. I understand that quite clearly the Bible says in I Corinthians 12:18-20 “But as it is, God arranged the members in the body, each one of them, as he chose. If all were a single member, where would the body be? As it is, there are many members, yet one body” (NRSV). And I know full well that we are each given the gift that God has ordained for us to have and that we should be accepting of that gift no matter. But truth be told there are times when I am just plain tired from the battle between God and the powers of evil, and I am ungrateful for the gifts that He has given me.


The more I pondered on these thoughts today, the more I realized that it is not necessarily being ungrateful with our words or actions, but even if we are ungrateful in our hearts that is the same thing. We are still being ungrateful and we are hurting God with it.

So for me today this question was an eye-opener and a reminder that God is in charge and He knows full well what gift He gave me and why. And when I read a little earlier in I Corinthians I can find that God promises He will not put more on me than I can bear, and I know from Philippians that with Christ as my guide and my strength I can do anything. This is what was in my head today, feel free to add your opinions.

Faith....who's responsible?

As said before, I am going to go back and randomly grab some things from other locations and put them all here.

Has anyone ever thought about who is responsible for a person’s faith? I mean I know that we are each responsible for our own, but are we indirectly responsible for the faith of people around us?


A part of me says that I think we are, somewhat indirectly responsible. At least to the degree that others watch us and our walk and if we know they struggle with something or if we know they have a burden about something, and we take the ‘It’s not my problem’ mentality are we not then responsible for putting a stumbling block in front of them? To me this is a clear issue.

Maybe it’s best said with an example—Person A struggles with cursing, Person B is aware of this struggle as they are friends. They are hanging out and watching a movie that Person B suggested would be awesome. The movie is filled with dirty language. Person A is uncomfortable because they feel as though their friend who they look at to help them be held accountable is throwing the very thing they struggle with up in their face. Person A confronts Person B and says hey, you know I struggle with that and here you put it right in front of me. How are you helping me overcome this? You are only causing more difficulty. Person B takes offense to this and tells Person A that the struggles they have aren’t their responsibility and they should deal with them on their own.



I know that’s a bit confusing with the Person A and B, but you can see the general idea. The Bible is very clear that we are not to put stumbling blocks in front of our brothers or sisters. “Let us therefore no longer pass judgement on one another, but resolve instead never to put a stumbling block or hindrance in the way of another.” Romans 14:13 (NRSV) Or if some prefer, here’s the same verse from The Message “Forget about deciding what’s right for each other. Here’s what you need to be concerned about: that you don’t get in the way of someone else, making life more difficult than it already is.”



All of this to say that as of late, I have been disappointed in some people who are in a position that is watched and scrutinized more than many, and yet they seem like they just flat don’t care if the people around them are struggling. Have we really come to a point in this world where we are so selfish that we honestly do not care what happens to the person standing next to us? My prayer is that we may all be reminded in whatever way necessary that God is in control, not us and that He has charged each of us who are believers to set the example for everyone around us and to hold one another up in prayer and accountability. Thoughts???

It's about time

I've had this blog for over a year now and have never taken the time to post an entry. It's all about time and me actually taking some long enough to post on here. Quite simply, lately I've been neglectful of all of my journaling and this is an attempt to motivate myself to get back to it like I'm supposed to. As the description says, it's a place for learning about the twistedness that is in my head a lot of the time.

I have been accused of talking a lot, and of being too honest, and forthright. In some aspects those are all truths, but who wouldn't rather have someone around who is going to tell you the truth about what they think instead of trying to make up what they think you want to hear?  I attempt to surround myself with people who are similar to myself, as I believe we all do whether consciously or not. My friends are the family members that I have chosen to be a part of my life and I share it openly with them. We are all see through..or shall I say each layer of us is see through. :-)  But we love each other deeply and we care enough about each other to tell the truth, even if that truth will hurt for a moment because we will be better people for it.

I have looked back at other comments I have had and posts I've placed around the web and still laugh at myself. I wonder sometimes exactly what was it that posed such a comment or topic. Perhaps I will go back and grab some of them and post them at some point here.