Tragedy

There is a quote from one of my favorite movies that rings so true many times in my life, and again recently. It says, "It is always surprising how small a part of life is taken up by meaningful moments. Most often they are over before they start although they cast a light on the future and make the person who originated them unforgettable."
For the last few days the following has been true in my life. It is something that is deep, and personal, and not often shared publicly. I expect for some readers this will prove to show sensitivity or even the lack there of by my stating these truths. Please indulge me to release some of this pain from tragic news.

My heart breaks and feels as if it has been torn into pieces with this news. I know the feeling I had in the pit of my stomach when I heard and can only imagine the pain that those closest must be feeling. The constant thoughts of "what if" and "why" must be trolling through their minds. The wonderment of what they may have been able to prevent or at the very least notice an out of character moment can be a form of torture to the soul. "If I'd made that phone call or if I'd sent that email would things have turned out differently?" will only tear the person questioning apart at their very core.

I sat hungry and frustrated by being delayed for my meal while cryptic messages of request for my presence were repeatedly sent to me until I finally made the phone call to inquire what was so bloody important that I could not be permitted to enjoy even an hour to myself. Immediately upon hearing the voice on the other end of the line I knew that all the frustrated emotions I had felt were for naught. To be honest there was a piece of me that felt foolish and even selfish for having had these emotions. It was obvious that someone else was hurting far deeper than I knew at that moment. Somewhere during the course of cryptic messages I figured out the category the 'news' could be placed in, and yet the shock I felt when the news was finally shared was unimaginable. The feelings of hunger vanished and were replaced by utter heartbreak. Some of the first words I managed to speak were to find out what we could do to help. "What needs to be done?" Of course at that early point nothing could be done just yet, we had to wait and pray for the people that I love who in turn loved the one now gone. And so we have been.

I can attest from previous experience that one of the fastest ways to lose weight is to lose someone close to you. For myself in this case I'm sure I haven't lost any substantial amount of weight however I do know the amount of sleep I have lost as my spirit has been crushed for my friends. The short amount of time I've gotten to spend with them revealed a completely broken person. Sure we had laughs about some unrelated things, and we talked about other things we care about and find interesting, but lying just below the surface was the spirit of a soul shattered. Granted this soul has their barriers adequately in place to protect their bruised heart, but when you know them as I do, you see straight to their heart. There is a part of me that wants to simply hold their heart for them as it heals so that they do not have to endure the pain and agony that will be coming in the weeks and months ahead and at the same time, I know that they must endure in order to grow.

I've solicited prayers from people who have no idea who I'm praying for or what about but they know me and the pain I feel and are willing to lift the entire situation to our Father. For them I am grateful because I know that without their prayers, I would not have the strength to pray for the ones hurting deeper than I am. This entire event has caused me to reflect upon the quote I stated at the beginning and serve to remind me that nothing is for granted. Every moment of every day is a gift, and true to the Word in Ecclesiastes some of those gifts come in shiny, happy packages, and some of them come with pain and agony, but they all come for a reason from our Father who ultimately wants us to cry on His shoulder while we ache so that we may grow and be able to stand for our loved ones when they are unable to stand themselves.