Perspective

n. Ability to view things in just proportion.
adj. in just relationship, with the important and the unimportant things in their proper places.
(according to Webster's universal English dictionary)

Of late my life seems to be one lesson in perspective after another. Just when I begin to feel as though I can't handle one more thing or one more person coming and telling me about something that's gone awry in their lives, I find myself sitting down again and reaching for the wisdom of Psalms or Proverbs to try and make some sense of it all.  Funny thing is, I have failed miserably to do so, well not to find wisdom in the scriptures per se, but rather in the carrying out of them.  I have had to stop and remind myself to take inventory of the last year and just look at all the things I and my friends have endured and realize that through all of them, God never failed me or them. Just when we felt like we couldn't bear another second, something happened that caused us to realize that indeed we could with God's help.
For myself personally, this year started off with a bang for the bad with some deep hurt carved into me by someone I love very much. This coupled with the already strained emotions of being stretched spiritually to a place I honestly did not expect to be before I was sixty made life difficult. One wound scabbed over while another was created. Still enduring the spiritual stretch I had to watch a dear, dear friend finally have ultimate healing from her disease but leave behind a spouse and child with a million questions and emotions about the entire process. To this day I miss her hugs and quirky faces and humor. (there is a blog post about her earlier this year) The middle and latter parts of the year have seen pains creep in from more deaths of loved ones and friends, to the family chaos created by one desperate soul. This year I have watched my family mourn the loss of my grandfather (also a blog post), endure the trials of moving my grandmother to assisted living and try and pick up the pieces left behind. I have seen my friends endure deaths of loved ones, major health problems or health scares, near death health for a few, talk of cancer more than a few times, marriages that are falling or have fallen apart, children turning away from God and any host of other catastrophes, but through it all, there is always a positive just like I mentioned in my last post.
In spite of the hurts and pains, there are celebrations. Celebrations of a spiritual battle complete, of new life in this world and in Christ, of health restored, of a bond created that can not be broken by man, of weddings, new jobs, engagements, home purchases, debt paid off, and on and on. I have seen some of the best and worst in people over the past year, and can look back with a true perspective(n) of life. Challenges will always come, but they will always go as well. So as someone asks me every day and I answer honestly, yesterday in my head was a mostly sunny/partly cloudy kind of day. Tomorrow? Who knows, but I accept it no matter because I know in the end, the sun will be shining.

Threes

You know how they say 'bad things come in threes?' I've come to know that this is true, but also that good things tend to come in sixes.  With Thanksgiving being tomorrow it is only fitting to focus on the things we're thankful for, but also for us to realize that we should be focused on them most of the time and as much as is possible ignore the bad things. There have been and always will be plenty of bad things to go around, but below I'm going to list a few things that just recently have been good things going on in my life.
1. Straight A's in school this semester
2. The privilege to be able to come to God even when I do not have any words good enough to express myself.
3. Opportunity to attend a phenomenal youth leader's conference
4. A completely remodeled house that we now live in!
5. Friends who love me and lift me up in prayer and in spirit
6. Health
7, The Family ('nuf said)
8. Music
9. A workplace that loves Jesus
10. Being able to travel freely around the country
11. Growing deeper this year spiritually
12. All the unexpected blessings that have come and covered a need just when I knew that without a miracle it wouldn't happen.

This is a small list but it's a heartfelt one. If you sat and wrote a list of things that you are thankful for or that are sincerely good things in your life, what would some of them be?

The harder I laugh, the deeper I hurt

Lately I have been reminded of some memories that are extremely hurtful ones to have and yet through that I'm able to see how far I have come with God's help.  I learned this week that someone who used to be in my inner circle of friends lost her only son to suicide.  This is a pain that I wish I could say I have never known, but many of you know that in reality this is a pain that is all too real for me. Needless to say, I was torn about what to tell someone a. who's going through that and b. who practically hates you because you don't agree with their beliefs. Thankfully after conversing with someone neutral and praying about it, I was able to tell her sincerely that I'm praying for her and the rest of her family, this however has caused me be reminded how much of an emotional people we are.
I find myself at the end of an emotional rope that I desperately try not to get to, and yet can't seem to avoid. Circumstances outside of my control are difficult and if I looked at them in my humanity I would say they could be impossible, but I am seeing them instead through the viewpoint of a Christ-follower knowing that anything is possible. The difficulty seems to be that I'm the only one who's doing that all the time and to be frank, that gets really old. I have done everything I know to be proactive about the situation even to the point of picking up an on-call 2nd job. Everyone tells me I am crazy for trying to balance my full-time job, school work, church work, and now a 2nd job, but sometimes you just have to do what you just have to do and make it work. Until something changes, I have no other choice that I can see, so I proceed. In my mind I know that this too shall pass and that it is a means to an end, but if I am honest with myself it makes me sick that I even have to contemplate a 2nd job, let alone actually have one. Don't hear me wrong here, I'm not being bitter or angry at all, it just is a fact currently in my life and I'm still attempting to adjust to it. Add to that the stresses of normal life and the drama of dealing with an emotional roller coaster living with me many days and I am tired. My mind is tired of listening to constant reasons why everything is wrong, you know the mind can only handle negativity so long before it will shut down. I think what pains me most is that there are three or four days forward and good and then there are two weeks backward and extremely low and negative. This too is apparently a part of my life except that I refuse to adapt to it. It can be better and I know it can be better and because of this knowledge, I demand and expect it to be better. We are constantly changing and being stretched in so many areas of our lives so that we are better people, how dare we expect any less of one another than the best we have to give? Granted we all have things going on that will cause us to have bad days, or weeks periodically, but there comes a point in life when we all stand up and decide that the things will no longer control our minds. We have the power through Jesus to be able to rest easy and know that no matter what is going on we will be taken care of.
So why the title you may ask? Simple. Sometime in the not to distant past this was true of my day to day life. Last night while at dinner with friends we were laughing so hard our stomach's hurt and we were crying because we were having a good time. Somewhere during that evening, I remembered this phrase and how just a few years ago there would have been still a pain under the laughter. Am I saying that there is none now? No way! Didn't you just read above? ☺ There is still plenty of pain and hurt readily available to anyone willing to see it, but at the same time, there is just as much joy and freedom if we choose instead to seek that out.